So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
