This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
