u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
