just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
