Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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