hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
