I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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