Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
