Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just pee around me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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