actually, I'm a sock model
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
