It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
