Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
