the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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