i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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