matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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