i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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