I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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