Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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