My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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