you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just pee around me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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