Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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