Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So many bounce houses so little time
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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