dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
