I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
