I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
