Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
