I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
