saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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