FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
