you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
