Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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