May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
