At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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