I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
