I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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