Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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