OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
