It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
