the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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