im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
