; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
