So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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