I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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