He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
