My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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