i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
