How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
