she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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