Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
