K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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