Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She needs sedatives and a leash
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
