Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
