You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
