i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
