Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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